Land of Bad is a whole lot of good

This week, Mrs. Average Dude and I popped in to see Land of Bad. But first off, I have to apologize for offering you no review last week. I was kind of focused on a little Sunday contest we all watched. It was, I’ve heard, the most watched tv show ever. And even though we experienced tragedy at the victory parade, it’s still a fantastic time to be a Chief’s fan. And it was just luck that there really wasn’t anything that looked worthy of review coming out. Thanks for understanding.

(Not too) hard choices

This week, however, there were at least three new shows at my local moviehaus that deserved consideration. There was Bob Marley: One Love. I still want to see that. Marley is a legend that I feel like I need to know more about. Seeing the bio-pic and also doing the accompanying research to see if Hollywood gets it right will take time, and I want to do it right.

Also released was the new Sony/Marvel Spider-man spin-off, Madame Web,. Why the studio decided that Valentine’s Day was a good time to release it is anyone’s guess. The advanced word on it was “train wreck of East Palestine, Ohio proportions”. I consider myself something of a comic book character fount of knowledge, and I barely knew of the character Madame Web. All other sources have reviewed this movie and I think they’ve exhausted all negative adjectives.

Are you not entertained?

Then there is Land of Bad, starring Liam Hemsworth and Russell Crowe. It feels wrong somehow to give Gladiator second billing. He’s Gladiator. He’s the Bulldog of Bergen. He’s Zeus, Jack Aubrey and Jor-el. It’s nice to see him play a pivotal role in Land of Bad. But he clearly wasn’t THE star. Crowe isn’t really in ‘action movie’ shape these days. And Land of Bad is most definitely an action thriller.

Land of Bad is the story of Sgt JJ Kinney, a young, fresh-faced Air Force JTAC soldier. Think Special Forces with a missile drone overwatch. Crowe is the eyes in the sky drone pilot, slamming Monster energy drinks and sporting a golf glove to protect his stick hand. Sgt Kinney gets imbedded with three campaign-hardened bush soldiers on a mission to extract one of their own who was captured by a well-funded personal army in the Philippines. Pretty standard popcorn movie stuff.

It’s nigh impossible for Hollywood to find a new angle to the modern era jungle soldier flick. And to this movie’s credit, it didn’t even try. There were no over-the-top action sequences, no stretches of the imagination. What Land of Bad delivered was a taught, well-paced movie full of jungle action that was wholey believeable. Add just enough high-tech drama and a pinch of human conflict. When all the elements are thrown into the pot and doled out expertly, the dish is quite tasty, definitely served piping hot.

Mike Drop

Land of Bad is a fantastic example of how the right actors, combined with the right director, can take an overtold premise and make it something very entertaining. Sure, we need at least adequate writing. But movies like John Wick show us that, with the right actors and the right director, dialog can be ordinary…or even non-existant. JW4 was 3 hours long. John had 103 lines composed of 484 words total. And get this…Jorma Tommila in Sisu (reviewed here) had only 5 lines the entire movie. My point is made.

Cred where cred is due

At this point, I’m willing to give acting cred to Liam Hemsworth. Yes, he’s nearly as buff as his better known sibling and not nearly as built out as his lesser known sibling (Luke, who is also in this film). But I’ve seen enough of his acting (Hunger Games, to be specific) to award him more than female eye candy status. It took Brad Pitt’s performance in 12 Monkeys to get that nod from me.

Russell Crowe was excellent in a supporting role. I’ve yet to see a movie of his that he just phones in, and that’s the mark of a consumate professional.

This is the first movie directed by William Eubank that I’ve ever seen. His IMDB is fairly light, with little that I’ve even heard of. But I won’t be shy about seeing his work in the future.

So, let’s check off some boxes here: Above average casting in all prominent roles: CHECK. Well-paced action thriller story: CHECK. Very believeable scenes with zero over-the-top action sequences: CHECK. Promising young director: CHECK. I am very happy to give Land of Bad a very deserved 4.1 of 5. See it with confidence and spring for the medium popcorn, because this movie will keep you chomping in more ways than one.

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Argylle…a cinematic fashion statement

We’ve been seeing Argylle trailors for months now and anticipation abounds. As a well-seasoned moviegoer, I still bite when I see a good preview. Sometimes I’m the one bitten. The first Suicide Squad had me slavering like a hungry fox. Oh, the disappointment… But on this topic, I’ve resolved in my soul that I will never learn my lesson. So be it. And even though all the trailers CLEARLY said this was a Matthew Vaughn movie, I didn’t make the mental connection…Matthew Vaughn directed the Kingsman movies and they were fantastic! Diminishingly so, but still, each was a great watch.

I had the great pleasure of watching Argylle with not just my constant partner in crime, the fearless and fetching Mrs. Average Dude. We got a surprise visit from our son, who lives ‘out on the edge of the Louisiana Purchase’ and we enjoyed a super-quick burger and movie night. Bonus.

Argylle is the story of Ellie Conway, a novelist whose fiction niche is international intrigue and super-spy action, like a modern-day Ian Flemming. If you need me to tell you who that is and what he created, we can’t be friends. Ellie’s Bond-like character is Aubrey Argylle, played by Henry Cavill. Cavill is one of my favorites since Man of Steel. Here he is in my all-time favorite period piece, the Count of Monte Cristo.

But I digress. Cavill’s part in Argylle is not as extensive as the trailors would have us believe. It’s okay. His roll is important, none-the-less. Of greater import in this movie is Aiden, who CAT-apults Ellie (will that be my only dad joke today? Time will tell) into her own world of espionage. Aiden proceeds to do battle with several strangers on a train who are bent on killing one or both of them. Fun banter intermixed with standard but still great action sequences. The Average Dude abides.

I’m not going to say that Argylle is in any danger of being proclaimed as one of Matthew Vaughn’s greatest works. It definitely isn’t. But is it fun and light-hearted, as his movies tend to be? Absolutely. Do we need to unreasonably suspend disbelief during his action sequences? …..ehhhhh….yes and also no.

I personally love them

With many of Vaughn’s movies, there comes a point where the action sequences become more of a spectacle than probably any other action sequences in the history of cinema. Farcical doesn’t truly describe them and you either like them or you don’t. Think of this sequence from Kingsman the first and you’ll get what I’m on about.

And clearly, Matthew Vaughn likes working with certain stars. Sam Jackson has a small part in this movie that he could have just mailed in. Likewise for Sophia Boutella (sporting legs this time around). Not a knock at all. I kind of like a director that adds his own calling cards, as Vaughn is wont to do.

Like them or not, you have to admit they are unique. And colorful. And in 2024, finding something different and unapologetically gleeful is like finding folding money in the laundry…it makes your day. And in the end, that’s what I’m saying about Argylle. The anticipation did not overstep itself.

I know I’m asking for it…

Argylle is not without some major story flaws. And it sported a heroine that clearly isn’t in top form, shall we say? Lets say that. I have always been a fan of Bryce Dallas Howard…she was such a cutie in Jurasic Park Dominion. But come on! And I know I’m asking for a ton of hate for this take but it feels dishonest to NOT mention it. Did it detract from the movie experience? Yup.

Speaking for average dudes everywhere, we like our spies and superheroes to be buff. And we like our female buttkickers to be lean and mean, not soft and …well, there you have it. Call me what you want but you can’t call me a liar. Or a coward. Ignoring the glaring dissimilarity between BDH in Argylle and the last Jurassic movie feels dishonest. Not mentioning it seems like purposeful ignorance. Other than Kung Fu Panda, I can’t think of an overweight action star that we flock to see. I guess I just don’t get the point in casting against type for this kind of role. I said what I said.

In spite of all, the pluses did outnumber and outweigh (okay, I knew I had another one in me) the minuses. Cranston, Cena and O’Hare were serviceable. But the deal-sealer is Sam Rockwell, who slays in everything he does. And as usual, he includes a little bit of fancy footwork somewhere in the film. Nearly every ounce of levity was provided by him, with some slight assistance from a semi-CGI cat. The Average Dude family in attendance gives Argylle a thumbs up, and I’m giving Argylle my first 4/5 of the year.

And since I am your Average Dude, let me just say that I had no idea Matthew Vaughn was married to a supermodel/star…

Bravo, Matthew. Well done, sir. Hat’s are off to you.

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