Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes…help me make it make sense

Looking over the options at my local moviehaus this weekend, nothing really jumped out at me as a ‘must see’. Challengers? The trailers make it look like it’s a hot chick cucking not one, but a pair of dudes. Pass. Tarot? Abigail? Not a fan of shock horror flicks. I outgrew them around Friday the 13th number Infinity. Unsung Hero? Meh. Not Another Church Movie? Don’t get me started. So that really only left one choice…Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Okey Dokey.*

In fairness, the Average Dude is always up for a post-apocalyptic survival flick. I introduced Mrs. Average Dude to The Walking Dead and spent the next 2+ years going back through 11 seasons of TWD and all the spinoffs** so I may be fully mentally pre-disposed to think about what comes after we’ve finally sh!te ourselves into oblivion. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is post-apocalyptic, in a different way. But not in a good way. I have…questions…

Maybe I just see too many movies. Nah, that can’t be it

I have to admit, I had to go back and watch bits of the previous movies to get my brainbone back in the groove for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. I remembered that Caesar was the primate hero of the story up to now and they prevailed over the humans. That’s about it. I guess that the movies just weren’t that memorable. I believe that’s true and I believe I know the reason why. But more on that later.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes picks up a couple hundred years after the last PotA movie. Apes have created clan societal structures (although we only see two of those) and have apparently domesticated eagles. Okay, I looked it up and I guess it can be done.

Even so, I don’t think humans barely out of the stone age were domesticating eagles. But whatever. The eagle clan (or whatever they call themselves) have some vague memory of their simian forefather Caesar, but not of his message. His teachings, if you like. Still, they live a peaceful existence.

Contrasting them, just on the other side of the tunnel is a clan (I think they were called the valley apes?) who were only spoken of in hushed, panicked whispers. In the halting, grunting speech of the eagle clan, other apes bad.

I wonder if dolphins suffer like this?

Enter Noa, the son of the eagle clan leader. He’s brave, inquisitive and haunted by the lack of love shown by his father. This drives Noa to take bigger risks (literally) and climb to greater heights (also literally) to impress dear old dad. It’s a story as old as time and apparently applicable to any higher evolved brainbone.

Just because I hand out no spoilers doesn’t mean you can’t see what’s coming

I won’t reveal anything further on the Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes story, but it’s pretty predictable to anyone who has seen the trailers.

The question everyone asks is ‘Did the Average Dude like it?’ Here’s where I come to the ‘more on that later’ part.

I didn’t hate Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. It was passable. But just like the other PotA movies for the new era, it just wasn’t that memorable. And I think the reason why is that it lacked any real emotional connectability. Try as they might to make ape-clans human-without-being-human, they really succeeded an creating ‘meh’. It missed a human element that the semi verbal apes just could not provide.

These apes showed the worst parts of being a dominant species and failed at making them truly emotionally relatable. I don’t know how you show human-like emotions on a CGI ape face, but Kingdom did not find a way. It’s doable, I imagine. Heck, Wall-E did it and he only had two googly eyes and less vocabulary than the apes had. Grunting conversations do not make for compelling emotional content. Noted.

They just don’t make ’em like that anymore

Visually, Kingdom of the Plane of the Apes was awesome. The reclaimed planet was beautiful at a distance. There were just so many plot holes and questions (which I can’t go into without spoilers) that still need answering if we indeed care enough about this story to want them answered. Which I’m not sure that I do. There were several callbacks to the original PotA movies that I really liked and I realized that I remember more about the 1968-73 series than I do of this one.

So, sadly and predictably, I can only give Kingdom of the Planet of the Ape a 2.2 out of 5 bananas. I won’t be eagerly anticipating the next installment (I hear that there are 9 total planned). I’m sure I’ll go, because I’m dedicated to all you average dudes and dudies like that. I just hope this isn’t me by the end of this journey…

*I loved Fallout so much, I have added Okey Dokey to my daily lexicon… Every Okey Dokey from Season 1 of Fallout

**If you’re a fan of TWD, you already know that ‘The Ones Who Live’ is a great addition and well worth the watch!

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2 replies on “ADMR – Not horrible, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is throwing poop, just not soggy poop 2.2/5”

Might have to see this one.. sometimes real life can become stranger than fiction.. Homo sapiens have come a long way… but it’s a much longer way to where we’re going.. we have the capacity to move our species forward.. perhaps just lacking the will to do it.. could be- the rise of the planet of the…. ??? 😳🫣😊

Some might say we’ve taken clear steps backwards. It’s a valid take. The two clans in KotPotA could represent the divergent directions that could be taken. From a morality standpoint, I think that works. All I’m saying is that it’s hard to get emotionally invested in these characters, which makes it a tough sell for me.

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