ADMR – Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom ends the current DCEU with a ‘meh’ – 2.2/5

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was in trouble from the start

Okay, cut me a bit of slack here, but since I have been a sentient, reasonably coherent human being during the last couple of years, I was not oblivious to the clown show surrounding the DCEU debacle nor the Amber Heard trial. The fallout for both affected Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom release expectations. Do those events affect my enjoyment of and subsequent review for this movie? Yes, sure. Of course they do. It sometimes takes a supreme act of will to watch movies and jetison all of the Twitter-talk and YouTube Rah-Rah/Nah-Nah and grade it on its own merits (if such exist).

Even so, I’ll go as far as to say that Aquaman the First colored my expectations more than anything. And to be blunt, I am stunned to hear that it made over a billion dollars (world-wide). I guess a billion bucks doesn’t go as far as it used to.

To put a fine point on it…

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is the second – and last – offering in the Aquaman saga. It’s also the last offering from the DCEU as it has been known since Man of Steel first appeared before our wide, innocent eyes. We were all hoping for, even expecting, a battle of awesomeness between the DCEU and the MCU. That battle never materialized. Not at all. I won’t go through all the reasons why the DCEU failed spectacularly. Enough to say that, with the possible exceptions of the first Wonder Woman and Peacemaker, the DCEU was pretty much a soggy shite-show.

I feel you, Ronan

In its defense, I’ll say that Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was in the top half of the stuff that the DCEU has shlepped out. That ain’t saying much, friends. I can honestly remember very little of what the first Aquaman was even about. After a second dip in the pool, I’m pretty confident that the result will be the same.

 

Why should that be, I ask myself? Is it superhero fatigue? I’m not really buying that. I mean, we never really get space sci-fi fatigue, do we? We live in a world where Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Stargate, Transformers, going on and on and on…all keep us watching happily. Why shouldn’t capes and cowls? No, in my opinion, it all comes down to story and delivery. Aquaman kept us semi-engaged on the strength of Jason Momoa’s charisma. The dude is charming in a special way. He’s at his best when he’s showing his wild-card personality (which seems completely authentic). Delivery.

As always, I carry reciepts for my opinions. Take a gander at my review for Fast X. Momoa breathed life into a franchise that had long since totalled itself. Now, I am actively looking forward to Fast X part 2. Momoa deserves a standing O and all the credit for that. And whatever redeeming qualities Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom possesses, they can all be attributed to his charismatic delivery.

Of the story itself, my best guess is that its just really, really hard for us land-walkers to find common, eh, ground with sea-dwellers. We get a little bit invested in Arthur Curry’s family-building. But with the scaling back of Amber Heard’s scenes, plus the almost an afterthought of Nicole Kidman, even that was pretty watered-down (c’mon…you knew I’d use that one at some point). I was just completely NOT invested in saving an undersea race that I knew nothing about. I don’t recall seeing any scene where even one single Atlantean showed emotion of any sort…horror, sorrow, fear, anger. It’s like the whole movie was botoxed by action into an emotionless mask.

Ah, action. Yes, this movie was filled to the brim with it. CGI action, to be precise. That has a place in movies, no doubt. Especially super-type movies. But clearly another turn-off for Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was the overuse of it. And I mean OVERuse. A Wile E Coyote level inteligent squid. Every manner of sea creature, to be exact. Even the land scenes were dripping with it. It just becomes lazy at a certain point.

Receipts: it would have been much cooler to see Aquaman flex and strain to topple a giant statue to create a bridge, rather than watching him leap into it and it just falls over perfectly, physics be damned. And that scene was used in the trailer. Ugh. And don’t even get me started on how everyone speaks normally…at the bottom of the sea. Just…don’t. We saw it done better here…

So, it is with no remorse that we bid a final bon voyage to the DCEU and no real surprise that I give Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom a less than resounding 2.2/5 starfishies. And all of that on the weight of Momoa’s personality in the few scenes where it was allowed to shine. I have great hopes for what James Gunn has in store and I hope to see Henry Cavill in tights somewhere in either universe.

Oh, and because I am a 14 year old boy at heart…I give you Amber’s grumpy. Sorry about that.

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