Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is barely so-so

When the first Beetlejuice hit the big screen, I was the proud father of two amazing toddlers. Those two are now fully grown and living their lives. It was and remains an all-time classic and a must-watch that spawned an animated series that ran for 4 seasons. There have been a metric sh!te-ton of sequels made in that timespan that absolutely did not need to be made. When we heard that this beloved classic was finally getting a chaser, we were all on-board. Tragically, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is not the sequel we’ve been waiting 36 years for. Not by a long shot.

WTF WTF??

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice picks up with the next generation of the Deetz family. Astrid Deetz – played by Jenna Ortega – tries to live down the embarassment of her celebrity mother. Winona Ryder is back as Lydia Deetz, who is now the host of her own show on the paranormal. Catherine O’Hara returns as Delia Deetz an unapologetic narcisist constantly striving to be on the cutting edge of art and fashion. This is clearly a role she was born to play and no one does it better. Delia Deetz. Moira Rose. Cookie Fleck. Always entertaining. And of course, Michael Keaton returns as the title character title character. And that’s where the disappointment hits hardest.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice had multiple storylines with tons of star power, each with their own story thread. If those threads had intertwined to make a stronger story, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice would have been fantastic. That didn’t happen.

Star Powerless

One of the first cameos in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was by REDACTED REDACTED, a no-brainer slam-dunk for a movie like this. His appearance was brief but enjoyable.

There were other stars, however, that had more than cameo status but arguably less impactful than REDACTED REDACTED. One of this movie’s biggest disappointments were their under use. Burn Gorman, a favorite B list actor, had less screen time than a CGI shrunken head zombie named Bob who had no lines. (Obviously).

Monica Bellucci played a very fetching undead creature. Her storyline could have been a movie in itself. It was instead, crammed into Beetlejuice Beetlejuice like a 300 lb cadaver into a shoebox casket for your hamster.

Willam Defoe, say it isn’t so

And don’t even get me started on the usually fantastic Willem Dafoe. He played his role with the utmost camp that this movie demanded. But his entire contribution could have been slashed to the cutting room floor. And for Dafoe’s legacy’s sake, probably should have. How could he willingly go from this

to this?

Seriously, Willem. If you need a loan, give me a buzz. We’ll figure something out.

Maybe he’s working on The Flash 2 at the same time

But most horrifically was the criminal under-exposure of the man himself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that, when going to a movie named Beetlejuice Beetlejuice that you actually get to see the star on the marque do his post-mortem thing. What we got from Keaton’s ghoulish performance was little snippets here and there. I felt like he was just popping in from a neighboring sound stage to do his bits in between takes from another movie.

By my count, there were six (6) distinct storylines in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. None of them really got resolved properly. And I’m not counting semi-arcs like Justin Theroux (very adequately douchie performance). Every main character had a separate journey. Which is fine, as long as they tie together. They didn’t. And for a seasoned pro like Tim Burton, that might be the biggest disappointment of all.

But it wasn’t all bad, was it?

Certainly not. There were some really nice moments of nostalgia that reminded us why we loved the first Beetlejuice. There was a spooky musical number remniscent of the the Banana Boat scene. Jenna Ortega was on point and her casting as the angsty daughter of Lydia Deetz was spot-on. The underworld scenes were as you remember them and it was nice to return to the dusty, oozey mild gross-out that Burton pulls off so well.

So, it is with more than a trickle of disappointment, I’m giving Beetlejuice Beetlejuice a room temperature 2.8 out of 5. I don’t expect a third helping of this franchise and Tim Burton himself said that doing another one in thirty-five years would put him at over 100. Fitting for the spirit of the movie but the math doesn’t really work out. Probably for the best.

Seven. I just remembered another barely used sub-plot. Sigh.

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