Godzilla Minus One: New and Improved
As previously hinted, Average Dude invited Average Dude Bestie (ADB) to go see Godzilla Minus One. Stars aligned, the temperature in the netherealm dropped below 32 degrees, we grabbed some long overdue beers and then hit the moviehaus. He promised to withhold his opinion on this show until after I released my review. I’ll report back on whether or not we remain besties.
I typically avoid other commentary on the movies I intend to review for you all. And while I didn’t read or listen to anyone on Godzilla Minus One I wasn’t able to totally avoid catching a whiff of the prevailing sentiment. In fact, ADB mentioned how excited he was to get to see it and the reviews he’d seen were glowing. I stopped him right there and refused to hear another word so as to avoid a possible let down. Try as I might I was unable to totally shield my psyche from the pre-show love-fest that seems to have gripped everyone. To wit:
Doomcock (giggety) called it Awesome! One of the Best Godzilla movies [he’s] ever seen!
The Angry Review: the best film of 2023.
CinPals: Godzilla Minus One is Perfect (almost). The best film of 2023
Film Threat: Best Godzilla ever?
Like I said…a love-fest. The Average Dude, however, has a slightly different view.
See, this is why you need me
The Average Dude is not making a cent off of these reviews. I do it because I love movies. End of sentence, paragraph and story. If that ever changes and I do manage to make a dime from this labor of love, I will be the first to tell you. But my hand to God, I will never EVER alter the opinions I give you for money and I will never hype a movie that doesn’t deserve it just because everyone else does. You will get the straight shite from the AD. I’m not saying any of those guys are doing that. I’m just saying I don’t see it.
I missed hearing someone say…Gojeera
So let’s let the atomic lizard out of the bag right away. I liked Godzilla Minus One well enough. It set itself apart from other Godzilla movies because it included some actual emotional character development other than the inch-deep portrayal of mass terror. Godzilla Minus One showed us characterization on a very personal level.
Now, I get it…if you saw a 350 ft giant armored lizard with atomic halitosis, all other emotions at play within you evaporate and terror reigns supreme. Not much else in the emoting department is needed. Maybe steely determination. Godzilla Minus One gave us a wide range of emotions that barely had anything to do with the title monster. So yes, it was a different movie in that respect. Is that enough to heap all that praise? For me, the answer is nope.
It’s about Godzilla. Says so right in the title
Ask yourself this: what are you looking for out of a movie called Godzilla Minus One? If you answered exceptional character development then I’m sorry to tell you this…you aren’t hooked up right. Plus, if you want a monster movie with character depth, may I offer you the platinum standard…
And if you want a monster movie that instills actual terror, may I also offer you the platinum standard…
But a Godzilla movie – any Godzilla movie – you expect carnage. Massive ‘splosions. Missiles airborne. Buildings plowed asunder. More carnage. Any actual human character development is fine as a bonus. But as the primary applauded feature of the movie? Negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full. Like Pacific Rim (which I loved). It had just enough character dev to get us invested in their survival, without sacrificing exactly what you came to the theater to see.
Godzilla Minus One was not without a healthy dose of that good ol’ fashion mayhem like mama’s Gojeera use to make. I discovered today that they did use a dude in a rubber suit for most of it, and if true, that was an amazing feat, they truly upped their game. If not true, then the CGI was only so-so. Except for the atomic breath. That special effect was…well, special. Best I’ve seen.
But where was the Temporal Loom?
I would be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the mad scientist of this movie. Dr Noda (wasn’t he a bond villain?) was fun, and looked like the love child of OB and Victor Timely (and if you saw Season 2 of Loki, you know that is entirely possible. Maybe even inevitable).
We’re gonna need a bigger boat
Some other things that detract from the movie: Godzilla apparently has a regeneration power that looks like your standard Marvel movie nanotech mask on/mask off effect. Also, the physics of water displacement around a giant swimming lizard rising out of the ocean should have created some mighty waves that would affect boats large and small.
It was the Ricky Bobby effect
Finally, Godzilla walking on land was fine, except for the fact that his hands were constantly at a 45 degree angle, doing nothing. Not that they were big enough to do much of anything, but at least CGI would have had them doing something. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do with them. Whatevs. I’m giving Godzilla Minus One a 3.2/5. Not bad by any means. But in this Average Dude’s opinion, not nearly worth the atomic praise given by lots of names in the movie review community. Who’s right? That’s for you to decide. But I’ll tell you this much…Rotten Tomatoes is giving it a 96%. I lost all trust in those guys long ago.
Oh and not for nothing, but I could NOT find a clear answer as to what the ‘Minus One’ meant. If anyone knows, hit me with that knowledge. Thanks!
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