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ADMR – Wicked an entertaining visual feast – 4.2/5

Wicked
Wicked is turkey and stuffing for the eyeholes

Your humble Average Dude is not ashamed to say that I like live theater.* I’ve seen many of the greats in my lifetime. The Lion King. Les Miserables. Phantom of the Opera (twice). And of course, Wicked. Seeing these amazing productions live on-stage is vastly different than seeing it on the IMAX, for many reasons, good and not as good. There is a great and terrible tension when you are sitting in your seat with live actors a frisbee throw away that could at any moment miss a cue or forget a line or trip over their own feet. You’re applause, your gasps, your laughter, are all part of the experience.

To the good: taking an award-winning stage show and adapting it to the big screen allows the special effects wizards to make it SO much easier to suspend disbelief. Flying monkeys on stage are obviously fake. Flying monkeys on the screen look real enough to be…uh…real. And Wicked takes full advantage of that.

FLying monkeys

Simpler times, I guess

traveling by bubble

For those of you who turn your brains off whenever you hear the words ‘live theater’ or ‘musical’, the story of Wicked is a retelling of the classic story The Wizard of Oz, told from the perspective of the ‘Witch’ Elphaba (played by Cynthia Erivo).

Wicked is, at it’s core, a commentary on socio-political structures, biases and evils. I’ve heard whispers that the 1939 MGM film made from the classic literature by L. Frank Baum was also a veiled political commentary. I’ve never cared enough to dig into whether that is true or not. I prefer to let the film be what most of us have always percieved it to be: a fanciful, magical tale of a binary battle, good vs evil.

Oh, but the times are a’changin’

Wicked (or more precisely, Wicked Part One) doesn’t even try to hide it’s moral juxtaposition. From the very first reel, we learn that Alphaba was the product of an illicit affair between a lonely Ozian ‘work widow’ and a smooth-talking travelling salesman who plied his willing conquest with an intoxicating green elixir.** That’s a little bit of a spoiler and I apologize. It was necessary to frame pretty much the entirity of the tone of the movie.

And don’t get me started on the Wizard

Meeting the Wizard

From the perspective of Wicked, all the people in this movie are wicked EXCEPT the witch of the west.*** Glinda (the ‘Guh’ is silent) is, at best, a shallow, entitled brat who has never been told no by her Mumsy and Popsicle. Elphaba’s wheelchair-bound sister is a pitiable victim of an unfair life. All the students of Shiz University are either mindless followers or vicious elitests. Even the quasi-love interest for Elphaba is a self-absorbed narcisist until he meets the transcendant one (Elphaba, not the Wizard).

Follow the leader

For all that, Wicked is just really good

In every way you can imagine, Wicked is the anti-Wizard of Oz…except…it’s darned entertaining.

Every character is played to the utmost, which is the only way a movie like this can succeed. Glinda (the insanely talented Ariana Grande) is the epitome of entitled idol wannabe… the expect-to-be. All the students excellently play the worst kind of mindless, cowering followers. Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Yo play the ruling class morally bankrupt douche-hammers perfectly in their convinction that superiority gives them license to do as they wish. Literally, the dregs of humanity covered in frosting are reflected in Ozkind. And we gobbled it up. The musical numbers were as popular as we remember and the choreography is a sure-fire Oscar win. Director Jon Chu absolutely nailed it. Bravo, sir.

The wizard and his minion

I now have to consider that Almira Gulch had a good reason to snatch poor Toto

And that’s the internal conflict I have over Wicked. I am being entertained watching the worst segments of first-world society wallowing in their brokenness. I am now rooting for the icon I once considered to be the embodiment of evil (poor Toto in her basket enrages me to this day). Where once I was content with a magical story about true good truimphing over true evil, I’m now forced back into the cruel realities of adulthood…that appearances are often deceiving and that presented perceptions must always be challenged. And maybe most of all, that I have been entertained by watching it all unfold.

Even so, I’ll freely admit to being visually enthralled and intellectually entertained by Wicked and am giving it a deserved 4.2 out of 5. While it’s not as fanciful and pure of heart as last year’s Christmas juggernaut Wonka, it is none-the-less easily worth your time and corn. Enjoy it. Try not to think about it too much. Or do. Your choice.

Not for nothing

Maybe worth noting, maybe not…I counted exactly ONE little person in Munchkinland. Whoever thought THAT was a good idea?

*The Average Dude is not including the whole remote viewing of a ‘live’ performance thing. In my opinion, those are a shameless money grab that absolutely robs the remote audience of the full theater experience.

**Cue the morally outraged who will either claim the mother’s victimhood by way of neglect and roofie or the ones clutching pearls over her selfish infidelity.

***a very purposeful choice of words.

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ADMR – Gladiator 2 is a pale rehash of the first – 3.2/5

Gladiator 2Gladiator 2  Second verse, same as the first

I think that reviewers have long held a sort of de facto distain for sequels and that’s not without merit. We can all point to numerous second acts that were downright awful. Certainly, that list is much, much longer than the very short list of sequels that were better than the first.* But that might be a tad unfair, too. Some sequels, while paling next to the movie that gave them life, can certainly stand on their own. Die Hard 2 is a great example. Beverly Hills Cop 2 is another. And Gladiator 2 falls into that catagory also.

The devil you know or the devils you don’t?

Gladiator 2 picks up the story of Roman General Maximus Decimus Meridius 16 years after his death. The dream that was Rome has not only failed after Maxumus’ sacrifice, it has fallen to even greather depths of depravity. The Empire is now ruled by Emperors Geta an Caracalla, twins, during a period of great unrest and instability.

Geta and Caracalla

And, as is the norm with sequels, the ante is always upped. Geta and Caracalla are even more decadent and unhinged than their predecesor Commodus (played magnificently by Joquin Phoenix). One seeks to amass more wealth to pay for their extravagances by way of war (I guess just taxing the populus didn’t cover expenses). The other one was just bat-shite crazy, assumedly by way of syphilis.

the face of madness

They say you can crush a man’s head

Lucius center stage

As in the original, the moral center of the movie and the Empire was the leader of the Roman Legions, General Acacius. While dutifully carrying out the orders of Emperor Geta, Acacius (played by over-rated but also wasted in this role Pedro Pascal) limply laments the fallen state of the once great Roman empire. In a true Roman twist of fate, his armies attacked a city where lived a young husband, fisher and part-time soldier named Hanno (Paul Mescal). Only after the city was sacked, his wife killed (by Acacius, of course) and he taken as a slave, did Hanno learn that he was indeed, the son of Lucilla (Connie Nielsen reprising her role) and Maximus, Lucius Verus.

Mother of Lucius

Also akin to the original, opportunist and purveyor of human colosseum-foder Macrinus (Denzel Washington) sees the seething rage of Hanno and plans to harness that elemental force to make him a champion. It was only later (and in a very murky fashion) that we learned Macrinus’ true aim was to gain control of the whole of Rome.

Don’t forget about Legend

Director Ridley Scott is almost as famous for his monumental duds as he is for his unforgetable truimphs, and lately he has had more of the former than the latter. Napoleon, House of Gucci and now Gladiator 2, all fall very short of the incredibly high bar he has set for himself (The Martian, Alien, Gladiator and Blade Runner, to name a few). The good still far outshine the bad, IMO.

Did Gladiator 2 jump the shark?
Gladiator 2

The special effects were especially on point in Gladiator 2. The fight sequences were very well done and suitably gorey. I was suprised to learn that there were in fact, naval battles (called naumachiae) reenacted in the colosseum. Whatever else you might say about the ancient Romans, they were ingenius. And while hungry sharks might have been Hollywood upping that ante, the Average Dude abides.

naval battles

In the end, I’m giving Gladiator 2 a decent 3.2 out of 5. It absolutely suffers by comparison to the original, which won Best Picture in 2000. But I think that, if it were not living in that shadow, it would have been a suitably entertaining sword and sandal flick. Let the mainstream movie philosophers debate its very obvious similarities to the first and glaring flaws in the town square. We will feel free to enjoy it for its own sake.

Not that I don’t wish there were…

Oh and not for nothing…I saw an advertisement for this movie during football this week, claiming that ‘Gladiator 2 was the biggest hit of the year’. Ummm, did they all just forget about Deadpool and Wolverine? Heck, it wasn’t even the biggest SEQUEL of the year. There were twelve sequels that ranked higher than Gladiator 2  (17th). See, this is why you need The Average Dude…someone like you who will tell you straight up and simply if a movie will be worth your time and try to find something positive if at all possible. I’m not trying to justify a payday. There is no payday here. Just the honest truth.

What can I say except You’re Welcome!

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ADMR – Red One is jolly good fun – 3.6/5

Red One

Red One is no Hallmark movie

This week’s offering is Red One, a Christmas-themed action flick starring two of today’s top action stars – The Rock and Chris Evans. Okay, I’ll openly admit it….the Average Dude is a sucker for 3 movie categories. 1. Dog Movies 2. Kevin Costner Movies and 3. Christmas Movies.

The first – needs no defense. 2. I’m not saying they’re all great, or even all good. But I’ll go on the record as saying I liked Waterworld. I liked The Postman. I said what I said. 3. I’m excluding the whole Hallmark movie sub-catagory. I don’t do Hallmark. Or Hallmark adjacent. Not bagging on them. I think those movies have the same attraction for folks who are more prone to emotional content as action movies have for yours truly. Your thing is your thing.

Santa for the Terminator Generation
Lets go heavy
Santa is BUFF

 

Red One puts a very high tech, macho @$$-kicking slant on the traditional Christmas ethos. Santa (played by the always awesome J K Simmons) is a lean, buff, spry elder saint who crushes it in the gym, dashes across rooftops and swings from rappelling ropes like a superhero. Not the traditional ‘bowl full of jelly’, for sure. But also not for nothing. This Santa doesn’t rely solely on magic to pull off the Christmas miracle. No, Saint Nick gotta be peak Santa on December 24th to pull it all off. I get it. The Average Dude abides.

Sounds kind of familiar, doesn’t it?
Missing
Have you seen this man?

 

As the trailer tells us, Santa (code named Red One) gets abducted by the nefarious forces of Grylla, the Christmas Witch. The bad guys are equally tech savvy and motivated by their own very different world-view. Where Santacrats are driven by kindness and childlike compassion, the Grylacans are all about the inherent evil of all people and, as such, need to be punished. I know, that sounds really twisted but so are the times we are living in. I find myself wondering if that is on purpose or just an extension of today’s society? But I digress…

I’m too old to use the word rizz

In an effort to rescue Santa and save Christmas, Santa’s Security Chief Callum Drift (Rock) enlists the unwilling aid of Level 4 naughty lister Jack O’Malley (Evans), a high-tech finder of people. It’s a very Rush Hour kind of team up that sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t. It’s as if the insane amounts of charisma are at war with one another and the result sometimes cancel each other out. Charisma overload.

So Much Rizz

An observation worthy of its own column

Speaking of charisma…I’ve come to notice this about Wayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson…he is a human avatar of gravitas. Everything he says and does carries a solemn, purposeful intent. He is 100% self-assured. So, when he makes his speech about the necessity and purpose of Santa, it carries that very air of unquestionable truth. Yeah, I know…sounds pretty silly. But when the Rock speaks, people listen. All of his characters exude righteous authority. And though we know it’s pure childish fantasy, there’s a little piece of us that still wishes it were so. Or maybe we just want to believe there is something left in this world that is still pure. I’ll have to think on it.

Why So Serious
Why So Serious?
To tie it all up and put a big bow on it

Krampus and Cullem

That snowman is BUFF

In the end, Red One gets a very passable 3.6 out of 5 from the Average Dude. This movie is never going to be on the annual Christmas Nice List as a Must Watch like Elf, Scrooged, Jim Carrey’s Grinch or the Griswolds. But was it worth a Saturday night big screen? Absolutely. The story was new, the action sequences were cool and the stars shone when they weren’t stepping on each other. Sure, the villain was about as threatening as last year’s fruitcake on the buffet table. But everyone else was on point (I want to see a Krampus spin-off). So take the grandkids, get the large corn and enjoy Red One. Mr & Mrs Average Dude did.

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ADMR – Agatha All Along was gay, sure, but also not horrible – 3/5

Agatha All Along
Agatha All Along was Marvel?

Your usually humble Average Dude can boast that he knows a great deal about Marvel, having spent hours in the pages of comics as a kid. And with the exception of Madame Web (still holding the line), I’ve watched all the MCU content. Some of Marvel | Television offerings were pretty good. GotG Christmas Special. Werewolf By Night. WandaVision. Loki. Some were bad, even awful. Ms. Marvel. Secret Invasion. And, of course, the steaming pile of soggy wokeshite, She-Hulk.

I think there were others, I’m not sure.

Then, there is Agatha All Along. Sometimes called Agatha Darkhold Diaries. Or Agatha Coven of Chaos. Agatha All Along is the spin-off of WandaVision, where we first learned that Agatha Harkness, the whacky neighbor, was a dark witch intent on stealing Wanda’s Darkhold magical energies. In the end, our Scarlet Witch outsmarted the wiley elder-sorceress, stripped her of her own magic (and memories) and imprisoned her in the town of Westview. All that happened in 2021, so if I just spoiled anything, it’s on you. You had your chance.

There can be only one

The online community has had a lot to say about this latest MCU content. I’ve yet to see anything overly positive. Some, like Doomcock (Overlord DVD on YouTube), hated it so much that he put it ahead of the Acolyte in his pantheon of despised Disney content. THAT is a bold claim that your Average Dude just cannot concur with. For pure poop-trash, the Acolyte stands alone.

In fairness to Doomcock

Doomcock openly admits that his disgust of Agatha All Along may be tainted by his own personal biases, and I commend his honesty. And in his defense, isn’t that indemic of all reviewers? No defense of this is necessary, oh future ruler of earth.

Also in defense of Doomcock, he didn’t TOTALLY hate it. He openly admits a creepy, lusty fascination with Aubrey Plaza and spent more than a brief moment declaring this to his followers. Ummm…okay. Maybe too much honesty here? Especially from a nom de guerre like Doomcock? Just saying.

Doomcock

But back on point

Even with Doomcock, Nerdrotic and my favorire Critical Drinker all declaring their contempt, boredom or outright disgust of Agatha All Along, your Average Dude must, in all honesty, say that I didn’t hate it. Was it the MOST gay Marvel show ever? Yes, I think it clearly was. They ham-handledly announced William’s preferences right from the start and seemed to be written as cliche as possible. Also, in a later episode, William, played by teen actor Joe Locke, saw a scene where he kissed his boyfriend with…uh,…vigor, let’s say.

Not very dude-like

As for the women of this show, there was a subtle (and at times, not so subtle) undertone of scissor-hood. On that, I’ll say no more. None of these scenes were critical to the plot and were clearly there to attract (or possibly placate) a particular demograph. And that was really annoying, if I’m being totally honest.

Aubrey and Agatha

Marvel All Along?

Even after all of that, I still didn’t hate Agatha All Along. It was moderately paced. It didn’t try to do too much. It had character development. Was there more to like than to dislike? Mmmm, that might be too much. Maybe there was just not much to actually hate. Mrs Average Dude and I would queue it up every Wednesday after dinner. I think we are still riding the MCU loyalty, hoping for something good again. And when compared to other Marvel | Television failures of the last few years, Agatha All Along just wasn’t horrible. Not a high bar, for sure. But there it is.

The Witches Road

Kathryn Hahn did a serviceable job in the title role, as did her supporting cast. I thought Joe Locke as ‘William’ was pretty wimpy and annoying. I suspect that casual Marvel watchers had no idea of the big finale reveal. Your Average Dude figured it out from the first episode and knew how intrinsic he was to future Marvel productions. That knowledge was all that connected this story to the whole of the MCU.  Other than that, it was a very milquetoast witches tale.

It could be just good timing in that there is precious little worth watching other than the Penguin (a gift from Marvel’s Distinguished Competition). So…I’m giving Agatha All Along a very middle of the witches road 3 out of 5. It did have some nice outro music (Donovan, the Cure, Billy Eilish and the great Jim Croce). At the end of that road, there will be very little impact on the future of the MCU and even less to remember. It was a serviceable time passer.

Maybe I’ll watch Deadpool and Wolverine again.

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ADMR – Venom the Last Dance is a ridiculous jitterbug – 3.1/5

Venom the Last Dance
Venom the Last Dance – who came up with this title?

Your Average Dude has watched all of the Sonyverse’s Marvel-adjacent movies (except Madame Web. I have my limits). The Venom series has been, from the very beginning, a marginally entertaining and very forgetable series. As a matter of fact, with the exception of the Into the Spiderverse animated movies, none of Sony’s Marvel movies have been memorable. Or highly reviewed by me. Venom the Last Dance is no different. And the way they shoehorned that unappealing title into this movie is…I really don’t have the right words. Confusing? Disconnected? Sure, okay.

May I have this dance

The New Improved Spiderverse…now without Spiderman!

Venom the Last Dance is the third installment of the Venom series. For those who didn’t grow up invested in Marvel, Venom is one of Spiderman’s arch-foes. What nobody is really talking about is that Sony is trying to create a following for Venom, swinging from the Spiderman franchise without actually including…you know…Spiderman. Which Spiderman, you might ask? The Tom Holland version, I think. At least, that is the only wall-crawler that has even been casually referenced (in a post-credit scene in Venom 2).

Anywho…the basic thrust of the Venom series is that the Venom symbiote has joined with Eddie Brock (played by the talented Tom Hardy) and together become the ‘Lethal Protector’. Ah, okay. We’ll allow it, but that is radically changing the entire reason that the Venom of Marvel cannon was created and why it gained such popularity. But sure, we’ll go with it.

Lethal Defender

In Venom the Last Dance, the Eddie/Venom duo find themselves at odds with both a shadowy government agency collecting alien symbiotes and also alien symbiote-hunters with a healing factor that another famous (and more successful) movie duo would envy. Oh, and their shadowy Thanos-level boss named Knull, who dispatches his hunters all over the universe via transport portals. Why didn’t Knull just transport himself out of his prison dimension? Yeah, don’t think too hard about it. It’s not worth it.

Knull

Hardy’s portrayal of Eddie Brock can best be described as a man with a split personality who is deep in the grips of a long, hard tequila bender. And he does a good job of that, I’ll grant. But I am very hard-pressed to find any actual character development at all. And it’s been three whole movies. From even the trailers for Venom the Last Dance, it was obvious that they were continuing the same shtick. Oy.

If I’m being kind

The fact that Venom the Last Dance is the third Venom movie tells us that they’ve made money, though the series box office take has declined with each iteration. A profit is a profit, I guess. But it does raise the question in my brainbone…why? I mean, I get why I go to see it. I’ve already invested in the franchise to the tune of two movies.

Leathal Defender

This weekend, I was at a Chief’s watch party and one of my friends (he’s a bit on the younger side) told me he went to see Venom the Last Dance and loved it. What about the impossibly contrived story elements that made n logical sense except to move the characters to the next action scene? Or the inumeral plot holes? He agreed but clearly didn’t care. Okay, to each their own, and I was reminded that there are different generations, with different tastes. Which is fine. I know my folks would never have appreciated a movie like Pulp Fiction. Different strokes.

And that got me thinking that the frenetic, disjointed pace with which Venom the Last Dance slung Eddie/Venom into different scenarios with little if any explanation was the plan all along. Today’s youth are used to bite-sized nuggets of entertainment. That’s what Venom the Last Dance felt like. If I’m being kind, that’s what the plan was.

Jumbled and disjointed but not without its charms

For all its many MANY failings, Venom the Last Dance continued to highlight its greatest quality…the symbiotic relationship between Eddie and the symbiote. The voice and character of the symbiote are a high-octane, self-indulgent force that I think appeals to a young audience. Hardy’s counter-balance to the Venom symbiote acts as the ego to its id. Its fun, its chaotic…like a Halloween night sugar rush. And just like that face-full of Kit Kat, will be forgotten once the brief buzz goes away.

So, the Average Dude happily gives Venom the Last Dance a 3.1 out of 5. The fun factor is there, no doubt. But don’t expect to get anything remotely memorable. Or cohesive. Or sensical. And just like those tasty Kit Kat, ultimately its just a brief repast while we are waiting for something more filling. Looking at you, Gladiator II.

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ADMR – Am I Racist? showcases buffoonery on both sides – 2.5/5

Am I Racist?
Am I Racist? doesn’t really answer that question

I debated whether or not to do a review on Am I Racist? . There is so very little room in my reviews to get on a soapbox and schlep out political views. Maybe someday I’ll do a blog or a podcast for that. But only if there is any audience for the political/ethical musings of a self-proclaimed Average Dude. And only if it can do some good.

I can’t remember a time when we needed a break more than now

But here I am, tapping out my thoughts on Am I Racist?. You can thank an absolutely flacid assembly line of sub-mediocre offerings out of Hollywood. That’s sad, because we the people are in desperate need of something to focus on other than the utter clown show that is our American electoral season.

The Average Dude watched Matt Walsh’s first mocumentary ‘What Is A Woman?’. I wasn’t doing reviews back then. But if I were, I would have given ‘What Is A Woman?’ a coveted 4 out of 5. It was really good. Walsh was excellent at trolling the lunacy of those mental contortions. If that offends you, then I’m sorry. For you. Sincerely. And I’m not going to argue the point with you. In this Average Dude’s opinion, if you feel the need to argue it, then you’re beyond reason. And I have great pity for you.

Troll Master Walsh

Now, Matt Walsh and the Daily Wire folks offer us the follow-up, Am I Racist? for our consideration. That Matt has doubled down on making mockumentaries that profit from human brokenness is a normalized tragedy. But this is America, the land of opportunity. I get it. As long as we’re entertained, right?

Do The Work Workshop

Am I Racist? Sees Matt Walsh go ‘under cover’ as a Certified DEI Professional, where he puts himself in various different situations where a Certified DEI Professional would find themselves. His absolutely deadpan style is tailor-made to troll those who either can’t see their own detachment from reality or refuse it on purpose. And there are some genuinely hilarious moments in this movie, no question. Probably the greatest one comes in the post credits scene. I laughed hard.

Oversmiling

And there’s the rub

Those of us who follow the Daily Wire content are no strangers to Matt Walsh. Whether it’s a cultivated media persona (which I think is true) or indicative of actual personality (which I also think is true), Walsh self-presents as an unwaivering know-it-all. He is ultimately confident in his own opinions. Couple that with success and fame (whether the latter is wanted or not) lends itself to an air of arrogance. And even though I agree with almost all of Matt’s conclusions. presentation counts. The arrogance with which Walsh presents truth is…unseemly. It’s off-putting. Worse, it’s not entertaining. At least for me.

I have questions

Those of us who do listen to Walsh, Knowles and of course Shapiro, are like-minded in that we are very much into questioning presented truths. We want something we can believe in. We want a source of truth. And everyone with an agenda wants us to believe that they are that source. Matt Walsh is no different. As I watched Am I Racist? I found myself questioning it’s authenticity. There was one, super-cringe scene in particular that raises that antenna and I would love if someone could give me some receipts – for or against.

SO cringe

More to the point

Having expressed my healthy skepticism, there were some truths in Am I Racist? that seem obvious (unless you’ve jetisoned logic and common sense). And even presented in his self-righteous (dare I say elitest?) style, they can’t be ignored. In that way, Am I Racist? was successful. It never did, however, answer the premise of its own name. Did it expose those who would tell you that white America is racist by virtue of existing? It did. But exposing that brand of racism does not actually answer the question in ourselves. And Matt’s assertion that, if you don’t THINK you’re racist, you’re not racist…I just don’t get that logic at all.

So, is it worth seeing?

Eh, I’m not going to give it a thumbs up or down. It’s a hard thumb sideways. It feels like it’s just a cash grab, feeding red meat to those who regularly dine on red meat and infuriating those who prefer kale. Compared to Run Fight Hide (loved it) or What is a Woman, Am I Racist? pales. Heck, I even preferred Hyperions and Terror on the Prairie (all Daily Wire original shows).

SO, the Average Dude, while agreeing with the spirit of Am I Racist? exposing the race grifters and emotionlly broken who fall victim to them, I can only give it 2.5 out of 5. And for the record, I had kind of gotten tired of listening to Matt Walsh’s schtick already. Truth presented poorly is often of no help.

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ADMR – Joker 2 the joke is on us 2.2/5

Joker 2

I’m only gonna say this once

As always, I tried my best to keep away from all the pre-release chatter on Joker Folie á Deux – (heretofor to be called Joker 2, because I’m not typing that anymore). It was an impossible goal unless I removed myself to a deserted island and then broke the radio. Stoopid radio…

Just sit right here...

This is why you NEED the Average Dude 2.0

But since I can’t do that, I unfortunately heard whispers – then shouts – of just how bad Joker 2 was. Some lamented that it was a musical (which was a bold choice, admittedly). Others said that director Todd Phillips was forced to do this film that he didn’t want to make, so he purposefully sabotaged it. Even with the astonishing level of entitlement that Hollywood exhibits daily, I’m not buying that one.
Then, there are others who are saying that Phillips made Joker 2 as a woke message to the masses. In making Arthur Fleck a weak and whiny wimp, it somehow struck a massive blow to toxic masculinity. After watching Joker 2, there’s a certain believability to that theory.

Fantasy

Like wearing a coat into the sauna

Joker 2 was a slow burn, for sure. Not Oppenheimer slow, but it did have you constantly looking forward to the payoff. And there was a payoff, but you ain’t gonna like it.

Joker 2 picks up with Arthur back in Arkham Asylum, just another sad psycho who suffers humiliation after humiliation from the guards, telling jokes for smokes. Outside the walls, the fans of the chaos that his Joker persona represents, are amassing for Fleck’s highly public trial. Slow burn.

Joker is gaga for…well…you know

Conjugal visits

Love is a strange thing. Unpredictable. Powerful. Able to leap tall buildings…wait, wrong DC property. But you get my point. And apparently in Arkham, where male-female interactions should be strictly and completely verbotten, love is in the air (along with the overpowering scent of industrial strength cleaners). Arthur is given the privilege of joining a co-ed sing-along therapy group where he strikes up a romance with Lee Quinzel…the future Harley Quin. Sure. Mass murderers are often given the chance to engage in group rehabilitation before their high-profile trials. Anyway, you can pretty much predict the rest of the movie from here.

 

Cut to the chase

Cut to the chase

Joker 2 contained some really great performances. Joaquin Phoenix, who won Best Actor Oscar in 2020 for the same role, gave another fantastic performance as the broken, pathetic yet morally vacant Arthur Fleck. I wouldn’t expect any nominations this time, though. I thought Lady Gaga did a decent job. Brenden Gleeson always turns in a good performance. I can’t really fault the acting for the mess that is Joker 2.

No, the fault here is absolutely the horrendous story. Clearly, it was the intent of the producers, the writers and the director to make the Joker an easily manipulated pawn of Harley…just a tool for her to wield enroute to her own self-aggrandizement. And that is 100% NOT what the Joker of cannon was. Absent are the driving will, the evil genius and unstopable force of chaos that made him the equal but opposite of the Dark Knight himself. Making Joker this pitiable wet noodle diminishes them both.Jokes for smokes

And yes, I caught and understood the last few seconds of the movie and how they try to avoid the utter destruction of the core DC universe of which this movie claims to NOT be a part of. It does almost nothing to ease the pain of knowing that, with Joker 2, the joke is most definitely on all of us. The ending could have saved this movie, giving Arthur a redemption moment. Actually, at any point in the last reel, Joker could have claimed that redemption.

But no, we were all denied that dark satisfaction. As a movie lover, Phillips has lost me. The crime is unforgiveable. I’m giving Joker 2 a pathetic 2.2 and I will do my best to forget the whole thing.

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ADMR – Megalopolis is a mega disaster – 1.6/5

Megalopolis
Megalopolis is less than the sum of its parts

When, oh when, will I ever learn that a star-studded cast doth not maketh a good movie? That’s rhetorical. The answer is probably never. When it comes to movies, I’m an optimist. Clearly, to the exclusion evidence. But I’ll tell you why that is a good thing. A good thing for you. And to a point, a good thing for me. Unfortunately, it’s not a good thing for Mrs Average Dude. Sorry, babe.

Hard to find a weak link in this cast

Megalopolis stars a parade of names you know and remember fondly. Adam Driver. Giancarlo Esposito. Nathalie Emmanual. Shia LaBouf. John Voight. AubreyPlazaJasonSchwartzmanLawrenceFishburneTaliaShire. And a small part for the man I consider our greatest living actor, Dustin Hoffman*. That’s a quality list, right there.

Megalopolis is EXACTLY why you need The Average Dude

With all that high dollar star power, this movie must be amazing, you say? The Average Dude would agree with that sentiment. Oh, how wrong we were. How very, very wrong. And that is why I should be your first stop prior to hitting the nearest moviehaus, megaplex or home town theater. Because I’m just like you (more or less) and I’m willing to take the hit for you. I’m ever-ready to step in front of the cinematic bullet meant for all of you. No thanks necessary. I’m built for this.

Why couldn’t it be more like Streets of Fire?

Megalopolis markets itself as ‘a fable’. Those two words, six little letters, are the first hint that this isn’t going to be your run of the mill furturistic story. It’s a portent or an omen of what is to come. Brace yourself, those words say. Anything is possible. That was no lie. The optimist in me recalled a ‘Rock n Roll fable’ from back in the 80s (starring a young and fabulous Willem Dafoe). I dared to hope this was a portent of good. Denied.

One Bad Stud

Our story begins in the land of New Rome, a retrofuturistic** facimile of NYC, that plays as if the fall of ancient Rome never happened. The class system is alive and well in New Rome. You have the ruling class, bent on amassing and keeping power at all costs. You have the elitists, whose whole life is centered around the shallow, vapid pursuit of self…their god is their own belly. There is the common class, living life beneath the elites. Always aspiring to rise as one of them but knowing that will never be.

Dancing in the clouds

And then, you have the dreamers. The idealists. The ones who see all the worlds but walk above them. This is the dream of Megalopolis.

Megalopolis has lofty ambitions, I’ll give it that

What follows is 2 hrs 17minutes of unrealistic, often empty dialogue that might have been written by a well-read 8th grader in their first attempt at writing a story. Verbal exchanges that do sound like lines from a children’s book that was written for adults. That sounds weird but nonetheless…

They live above us

Megalopolis is filled to overflowing with symbolism. It might have been Francis Ford Coppola’s intent. With a resume like his, I tend to think it was. And FFC has been working on this, what I presume is meant to be his magnum opus, for decades. Millions of his own money was invested in this. Clearly, it was important to him.

More weird symbolism

Oh, and with a dash of wokism. Maybe more than a dash, actually.

a flash in the trans

There are parallels that are easy to make, like the self-distructive excesses of ancient Rome and today’s elites. Also the power-mongers hellbent on keeping power to the detriment of those they govern, a truism as old as civilization. Coppola puts a sureal face on the obvious. At times, the sureality was entertaining. At other times, shallow and condescending, as if he were elite-splaining these things to the ignorant masses. Maybe that’s just me.

But there were many, many sureal moments that even an overthinker like me can’t brainbone. And they smack of ‘inside joke’. There are a few movies I can remember that just feel like they were made for Hollywood itself. The Grand Budapest Hotel is one. La La Land is another. These all feel like vanity pieces. On one hand, guys like Coppola have kinda earned the right to make a vanity piece, if they want. Then again, it feels dishonest to schlep it out to us and hide it’s true nature. It kind of makes me feel used. Again, it might just be me.

History Repeating itself…in CGI and HD

What good can I say about Megalopolis? Visually, it was excellent. The adaptation of ancient Roman style with 21st century technology is an original and fascinating twist on a still fresh retrofuturistic trend. I loved it and I would totally expect an Oscar consideration for it. Totally deserved. If Megalopolis were to get nominated for or, Olympus forbid, win a more high-profile Oscar, it will further solidify that Hollywood politics decided it should be so. But for sets and costumes? I’m there for it.

Wow Platinum

So, on the basis of that and that alone, I am giving Megalopolis an anorexic 1.6/5. As for the rest of this movie, it’s nearly unwatchable. At times, it feels like Coppola’s cautionary tale. At times, an unappologetic admittal of their imagined superiority.

And I will freely grant to you that some of the more ‘upper crust’ moviegoers might disagree with me. I’m fine with that. I don’t pretend to be one of those folks that has the time or desire to hyper-analyze every movie and give it a gladiatorial thumbs up or down. I’m like you…an Average Dude. We don’t have time or inclination for that level of pretention. I’ll just give you an average dude’s opinion. Sorry, not sorry.

Oh, and a great big Thank You/Love You to Mrs Average Dude for always accompanying me. She’s the best!

*Tootsie. Rainman. Hook. Fight me.

**Remember that word? I first brought it up in my Fallout review. Now you CAN use it in casual conversation! Do it! It’s fun!

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ADMR – The Killer’s Game was a mildly entertaining action flick – 3/5

The Killer's Game

The Killer’s Game didn’t try to be more than it was

Sometimes, in my heartfelt desire to serve the movie-going masses, I go to see a movie that I’m not expecting much from. Part of that is because I’m trying to build a trust between you and me. Part of it is because I just love going to the movies. And since I am an Average DUDE, my inclination is to go see DUDE movies. This week, there were three new releases: a horror movie, a mock-umentory movie and an action movie. I’ll see a horror movie on occasion (if the premise looks original) and I’ll get around to watching the mock-umentary (I’ve been hearing good buzz).

But this week, The Killer’s Game seemed like the best of ‘meh’ choices. And it turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

The Killer’s Game stars Dave Bautista as top-shelf hitman Joe Flood. Joe lives a low-key, modest life when not deleting bad people from this earlhly existence. He plays by ‘the rules of the game’…kill no innocents, follow the direction of your dispatcher (played by the legendary Ben Kingsley) and do not enlist the services of mercenaries. Who makes these rules? No clue, but since this is a John Wick heirarchy clone, we’ll allow it.

Drax with hair?

You’d think they would have a better health plan

While on a standard ‘assignment’, Joe’s eye falls upon modern dance star Maize (Sofia Boutella). During the chaos caused by a high-profile assasination, Joe breaks from his usual meticulous work ethic to carry an mildly injured Maize from the heart of danger and into the arms of first responders, pocketing her cell phone in the process. Joe uses the phone as an excuse to reach out to Maize. An uncomfortable romance ensues.

The Killer's Game is so elegant

To add to the confusion, Joe periodically experiences sharp spikes of brain pain that all but cripple him. After experiencing one of these during an op, Joe seeks out his organizational medical professional. After being examined, Joe is diagnosed with a rare disorder and is given a dire diagnosis. Believing he has only weeks to live, Joe decides to leave this world on his own terms and puts a hit out on himself.

Do they also have free legal assistance?

But hold the phone! There was a mix-up at the lab and Joe is going to live! Now, Joe must try to extricate himself from a mess of his own creation while also trying to win back the woman he loves. Kookiness and Wick-level violence ensues. Never mind that the doc suffers no consequences for his disasterous eff-up. One would think that, in that arena, the consequences for a misdiagnosis would be a lot more severe. But moving on…

One of these things is not like the others

Kind of like the league of Joe’s deadly exes

The Killer’s Game does a couple of things that make it better than it has a right to be. Firstly, the writers and director don’t try to get Bautista to do more than he’s capable of. Call me crazy, but I don’t think Drax is going to be in any Oscar considerations. I’ll gladly and humbly eat my own words if it comes to that. Bautista is a big, beefy action star. That’s what he does. Bautista falls smack dab in the Ahnold, Sly Stalone, Rock bucket. From every role I’ve seen him in, he’s not all that emotive. It’s fine. Dave staying in his lane is just fine.

Secondly, and most enjoyably, is the quirky foes of Flood. Each one has their own motif de murder that is mildly fun and a nice departure from the John Wick style of dispatching enemies. It’s remniscent of Scott Pilgrim vs the World, an delightfully original movie now considered a cult classic which The Average Dude recommends.

Scott Pilgrim villains

If not for the quirky portrayals, The Killer’s Game story is nothing at all original. Like with every Batman movie, the entertainment value is with the villains. And that’s what makes this movie a bit above your average B movie hitman show. Sure, Ben Kingsley is superb, even in a very limited role. But Joe and Maize are about as bland and cardboard as they can be.

It’s a credit to director JJ Perry. Perry has only three directing credits to his name, none of which are noteable. Maybe if he were given a project with more oompf he could have attracted bigger talent. But for his third effort, I can see how Bautista might have been the biggest name he could get. And kudos for doing the most with the little he was given. It’s a promising start.

So, The Average Dude is pleased to give The Killer’s Game a somewhat modest 3 out of 5, mostly for surprising me with some mildly entertaining villains for Joe to dispatch. This is not a movie I’ll every stop and watch a few minutes of if I see it scrolling through my streaming channels. Watch this one after you’ve gotten through all your top shelf shows (like Shogun). For me, it’s already been memory-holed. Sorry Joe and your league of deadly assassins. That’s the best I can do for you.

And by the way, I much prefer my Bautista bald, thank you.

Bald is beautifulish

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ADMR – Beetlejuice Beetlejuice should have been awesome but just wasn’t – 2.8/5

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is barely so-so

When the first Beetlejuice hit the big screen, I was the proud father of two amazing toddlers. Those two are now fully grown and living their lives. It was and remains an all-time classic and a must-watch that spawned an animated series that ran for 4 seasons. There have been a metric sh!te-ton of sequels made in that timespan that absolutely did not need to be made. When we heard that this beloved classic was finally getting a chaser, we were all on-board. Tragically, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is not the sequel we’ve been waiting 36 years for. Not by a long shot.

WTF WTF??

a happy trio

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice picks up with the next generation of the Deetz family. Astrid Deetz – played by Jenna Ortega – tries to live down the embarassment of her celebrity mother. Winona Ryder is back as Lydia Deetz, who is now the host of her own show on the paranormal. Catherine O’Hara returns as Delia Deetz an unapologetic narcisist constantly striving to be on the cutting edge of art and fashion. This is clearly a role she was born to play and no one does it better. Delia Deetz. Moira Rose. Cookie Fleck. Always entertaining. And of course, Michael Keaton returns as the title character title character. And that’s where the disappointment hits hardest.

cast

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice had multiple storylines with tons of star power, each with their own story thread. If those threads had intertwined to make a stronger story, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice would have been fantastic. That didn’t happen.

Star Powerless

One of the first cameos in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was by REDACTED REDACTED, a no-brainer slam-dunk for a movie like this. His appearance was brief but enjoyable.

Guess the cameo

There were other stars, however, that had more than cameo status but arguably less impactful than REDACTED REDACTED. One of this movie’s biggest disappointments were their under use. Burn Gorman, a favorite B list actor, had less screen time than a CGI shrunken head zombie named Bob who had no lines. (Obviously).

Monica Bellucci

Monica Bellucci played a very fetching undead creature. Her storyline could have been a movie in itself. It was instead, crammed into Beetlejuice Beetlejuice like a 300 lb cadaver into a shoebox casket for your hamster.

Willam Defoe, say it isn’t so

And don’t even get me started on the usually fantastic Willem Dafoe. He played his role with the utmost camp that this movie demanded. But his entire contribution could have been slashed to the cutting room floor. And for Dafoe’s legacy’s sake, probably should have. How could he willingly go from this

Platoon

to this?

Wolf Jackson

Seriously, Willem. If you need a loan, give me a buzz. We’ll figure something out.

Maybe he’s working on The Flash 2 at the same time

But most horrifically was the criminal under-exposure of the man himself. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that, when going to a movie named Beetlejuice Beetlejuice that you actually get to see the star on the marque do his post-mortem thing. What we got from Keaton’s ghoulish performance was little snippets here and there. I felt like he was just popping in from a neighboring sound stage to do his bits in between takes from another movie.

By my count, there were six (6) distinct storylines in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. None of them really got resolved properly. And I’m not counting semi-arcs like Justin Theroux (very adequately douchie performance). Every main character had a separate journey. Which is fine, as long as they tie together. They didn’t. And for a seasoned pro like Tim Burton, that might be the biggest disappointment of all.

But it wasn’t all bad, was it?

Certainly not. There were some really nice moments of nostalgia that reminded us why we loved the first Beetlejuice. There was a spooky musical number remniscent of the the Banana Boat scene. Jenna Ortega was on point and her casting as the angsty daughter of Lydia Deetz was spot-on. The underworld scenes were as you remember them and it was nice to return to the dusty, oozey mild gross-out that Burton pulls off so well.

And a musician!

So, it is with more than a trickle of disappointment, I’m giving Beetlejuice Beetlejuice a room temperature 2.8 out of 5. I don’t expect a third helping of this franchise and Tim Burton himself said that doing another one in thirty-five years would put him at over 100. Fitting for the spirit of the movie but the math doesn’t really work out. Probably for the best.

Seven. I just remembered another barely used sub-plot. Sigh.

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